misplaced

just damn tired.

2007-01-10T14:11:00.000+08:00

today i was just too tired to go to school (plus my head felt like somebody'd been pounding on my head with a boulder while i slept) so i decided to just go back to sleep.. hahaa kindof woke up recently.

hahaa ten thousand people to meet this week and next! i really feel like that bit weary just thinking about it.. but i guess it'll be fun (:

got a new book that's been waiting to be read.. anansi boys by neil gaiman. hope it's good!

2006-12-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

past few days have been busy! (:

rainy days, perfect for curling up at home with good books and hot drinks (: raided the lib and was kept pretty satisfactorily (there is such a word!!) occupied for as long as the books lasted.. also went (unproductive) shopping with eunice (: and bumped into many sn humans whom i havent seen since maybe sn or jc! so that was nice.. and also met up with aimei for dinner at the vill'age (is the apostrophe at the right place? :\) which was reallyreally lovely. she's totally been mia since she ran away to la salle, and it was so nice just sitting and talking to her (:

interesting fact on the news: yesterday's rain was more than the total expected rainfall for the whole of dec!

anyway today the rain finally went away and the sun came out again.. so my og headed down to the botanic gardens for a picnic! (: happymadeindedrick'shouse sandwiches, tanjongpagarkenrickbought muffins (double chocolate is DAMN nice!! and the walnuts in banana!), a (fake) frisbee, soccerball, camera, mat, tablecloth and one 500ml water bottle (: so obviously since there wasn't enough water for everyone, we had to seek the water from the swan lake(muddy and gross, with no swans except the carving >.<)/stream/dedrick's secret well o.O.. hahaa had a hilarious time there.. but eventually it kindof got too hot and we all retreated back to dedrick's for the rainyday plan of aircon, hot chocolate (with marshmallows!), poker (joel winner!), tv!, fluxx, bridge and taitee (: ohohoh!! i forgot about kenrick's remote controlled helicopter-turned-fan! hahaa okay this is a very incoherent post..

i realised that no matter how you try to fill your days with people and stuff so that you won't be thinking of other things, there are some things that refuse to be crammed away and always manage to worm it's way out to your mind, like blood that won't stop seeping out of a stubborn wound even when you're pressing on it with five slabs of cotton wool. eventually the cotton wool turns red and is soaked, and blood is just, everywhere.

silly boy, i think i've got a thing for you

2006-12-16T04:02:00.000+08:00

i like the way cliff diving starts, the affection and the promise.

talking to my wise one day younger, who is back from melbourne but happily planted in kl. so i'll only get to see him after the 19th, when he gets back to jb. ck is the one of the few who always manages to complete my sentences, always seems to know which song my mind is singing.

i've been here before, a few times.. and i'm quite aware we're dying.

so we talked about blink182 and how they became +44 and angels and airwaves. sadness forever, how everyone's just moved on. sadness forever.

tonight is the night of old friends and their music. listening to rooster and talking to yichung, listening to air supply and talking to sx. maybe coincidence, maybe not.

in other news, went to hk! it was supposed to be winter, but the coldest times were really in the superpowerairconditioned shopping centres and our room at the ymca. hahaa was pretty hilarious, really. people there dress up like it's really cold, trenchcoats and scarves and boots. it's pretty nice to people watch, hk people like to wear many colours and patterns (: ate damn a lot, although no goose webs x.x hahaa only tiff was happily eating that by herself. we taught mag how to bridge!! (: (: (: until she got so hooked one night we played till three plus (am) and ventured out to seek food at a macs looking like a bunch of tramps hahaa. yay fun!

be still and know i am here.

2006-12-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

went to advent vespers with eunice this evening, and now i'd really like to share this with you.

seek ye first the Kingdom of God
and His righteousness
and all these things shall be added unto you
allelu, alleluia

man shall not live by bread alone
but by every word
that proceeds from the mouth of God
allelu, alleluia

ask and it shall be given unto you
seek and ye shall find
knock and the door shall be opened unto you
allelu, alleluia

now isn't that beautiful or what

2006-12-02T03:04:00.000+08:00

you know how sometimes there's something you really want, but it's not something just anyone can give you?

and you hope and you hope and you hope.
that maybe it won't have to be something you have to ask for, because you've gone and convinced yourself the person wants to give it to you?

and you hope and you hope.
and when it doesn't come and the person is gone, you still hope that maybe he will come back with the thing, that he really wanted to give it to you but for some reason didn't?

and you hope.

but sometimes there just isn't enough hope to go around, and you finally realise it Isn't Going To Happen. and that's when you realise really you are Stupid and a Fool.

all that, just for a hug.

2006-11-23T21:21:00.000+08:00

i really need my dog.

it's about knowing someone loves you completely, a hundred and fifty percent, for no reason other than that you belong together.

that's what makes it special.

lovely today.

2006-11-21T13:58:00.000+08:00

yay today is a haphaphappy day!

just two hours of school, and then it was zoomzoom home for a swim. yay! haven't swum in ages and let me tell you, being in the coldcold water while the sun is blazing out there is a feeling nothing short of amazing.

and hk confirmed! yayyyyy!
and cute ecard! hahaa! (:

okay now if i were to mug some, then today would be a perfect day.

the sun come out, tomorrow.

2006-11-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

am really looking forward to eunice coming home tmr. finally. no more hanging around waiting for her to come online, guessing if maybe she's actually sneakily appearoffline, no more switching on the comp to find remnants of yesterday's conversations that didn't get delivered. babe, i've missed you. remind me to give you the hug i meant to give you ages ago during the tram incident. tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only a day away!

in other news, spent a really long unmuggy time in school today. strange chats with bano (which went on to include half the indian community) stemming from a single sms to muru in thailand. btw, don't punch kums if you're sitting down, you'll only hit his belt (pain!) and everyone will wonder why you're trying to hit him down there. o.O ohoh! i've joined the worms! (daworms?) and all i do is wiggle about and feel restless. oh, gah.

where the mugging mood

2006-11-13T18:30:00.000+08:00

almost done with CAs, just two more papers to go. but i've lost the mugging mood.

watched flushed away last night. hahaa it was absolutely hilarious!! (: flushed away!! hahaa the slugs were really adorable btw, rather like the madagascar penguins. (slugs, bano. -and nita- not worms. i am Not A Worm.) realised that kiddy shows sometimes really aren't just kiddy shows afterall. it must be hard to write - you've got to put in things that'll make the little ones happy and then you've got to find a way to keep the adults bringing the children engaged and enjoying the show too. i think flushed away is pretty good for all us overgrown kids.. so go watch this if you have the time, and laugh as much as you can! flushed awayyyy!

these have all gone and withered, but they were pretty while they lasted.
if you had some flowers, would you put them pretty in a vase so everyone can see them for a short while or would you just dry them so you can keep them forever just for yourself?

eunice home on thursday wheeeeeeeeeeee!

thanks to a stranger

2006-10-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

so i was stoning against some wall at orchard mrt, absurdly early to meet chiamm (cause zhimin and i ran away from hpb >.<)and feeling miserable with my massive headache, sore throat, sore nose, fever and double mouth ulcers when this guy who was trying to get people to donate money to some noble cause came up to me and said,

not 'hi, can i have just one minute of your time..'

but 'are you okay? do you need me to get panadol for you?'

i told him i was fine and he went away, but it really made my day, this kindness from a total stranger. it was a nice feeling, knowing someone noticed, knowing someone cared.

old photos

2006-10-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

amused.

2006-10-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

everyday, siva resembles ahpoh more and more.
so we were talking about his new slippers..

si\/a says: they're longish and funkily shaped
si\/a says: and soft
si\/a says: and niked

and just forget the world says: i want to see!
and just forget the world says: wear tmr!

si\/a says: kay
si\/a says: i wish there was a girl like that

and just forget the world says: hahaa longish and dunkily shaped and soft and niked.
and just forget the world says: I SEE
and just forget the world says: i will keep a lookout for you (:

si\/a says: yeah. that would be soo cool.
si\/a says: thanks
si\/a says: haha i jus realised sth
si\/a says: niked is not a word
si\/a says: but if you change a vowel it is
si\/a says: ok never mind

much to say

2006-10-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

three i gathering at ubin seafood last night! (date and venue suggested by emily, who Didn't turn up! hahaa!) hahaa our class is, AMAZING. i arrived an hour late, expecting them to have ordered, maybe started eating but happily turned out i was one of the earlier ones. K. luckily everyone else turned up like right after i did so yay! poor liankiat had been sitting there like a goondu for one full hour pls. hahaa. the gathering was great! terence turned up!! okay i must tell my great psychic story: terence does not have a handphone (at least as far as we knew, terence did not la) and we were too lazy :\ to go find his house no in the batch directory or call yamkhoon so T.T right up till yesterday i thought he wasn't going to come. BUT the night before i Dreamt that he attended the gathering, and last night he really did turn up!!!! somehow he contacted liankiat (or liankiat contacted him?) on msn and whee! O.O so i am psychic (: yay! only ten people came actually, thanks to a lot of last minute pangseis, but oh well.. we all managed to sit at one table so everyone could talk to everyone. i think this is like the only gathering ive ever managed to talk to every single person so that was quite nice. people who came: (i would just put up a photo of this, but zhimin hasn't uploaded them yet so T.T) me! zhimin, zhiyin, xinxia, liankiat, ivan, sx, nick, serjin, terence. more boys than girls.. HMMMMN.

i realised that with the boys all just about to ord, we've stopped looking back so much. sure, we still think about terence kicking that hole into the wall of ts 15, of yamkhoon and his "no tum!".. and we laugh. but more and more we think about what we're going to do, what's next. we're moving on. which is cool and exciting and happifying actually. alex has a girlfriend!!!! out of point but ALEX HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!! who looks like yik!!!!! hahaa or so they say. okay i could tell you all the random things we talked about but ya.

thanks nick for peeling off skin and gallant attempt at deboning fish for me (:
and zhiyin (still dababe!) for sending me home (: - the valet did not steal her car.

i love my three eye. see ya'll at ivan's! (so no one has to wait in some public place like a goondu for one hour)

in other news, my cousin is getting married!! the wedding dinner is like, next week HAHAA yummy food pls. but anyway that's not the main part. the main part is, my grandma is super excited and she's like "i need to buy new clothes! and do my hair!! and.. .." hahaa she's so cute la.. at the hairdresser now, maybe she will come home with cool orange hair extensions or sth. (:

and my aunt is back from south africa! where she bought a .46carat diamond for USD2000. o.O but more importantly, she brought back macadamias for us! yay!!!!

damn happy it's finally october! (happy children's day!) allowance! yay! now i can have a decent dinner with zhongyang and junyang tmr hahaa (:

the holidays are over :( it wasn't a bad one; swimming almost everyday, catching up with the overseas humans, getting hooked to yahoogames - cake mania is damn fun!!!! watching all the shows on tv!! sleeping twelve hours a day, every day. and seeing my daniellimchongsoon almost everyday. it's a good life.

but, back to school.

addendum
zhimin has decided to upload the photos!

everybody at ubin seafood!

nice yiksy-deboned-skinned fish

dessert at venezia!

anyway, zepeng has too much leave to clear. he is clearly losing it:

bam. says: so wot time do u end
bam. says: or rather, which days do u end early my tinkerdel
daryl says: i end at one
daryl says: hahaa why are you trying to date me!
daryl says: as in why, are you trying to date me?
daryl says: not why are you trying to date me?
bam. says: haha
bam. says: I SEE
bam. says: why am i trying to date you?
bam. says: cos i love u!!
bam. says: *flying kisses*

the shadow and it's sun

2006-09-30T16:03:00.000+08:00

i will make you strong and help you
-isaiah 41:10

and He will raise you up, on eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of His hand

life

2006-09-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

how many times have you been pushed around?
is anybody there?
does anybody care?
and how many times have your friends let you down?
is anybody there
did anybody stare?
oh.

and how many times have your friends let you down?
just open up your heart
just open up your mind
and how many times has your faith slipped away?
well is anybody safe?
does anybody pray?

oh life is waiting for you
it’s all messed up but we’re alive
oh life is waiting for you
it’s all messed up but we’ll survive

do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, (2X)

and how many days have you just slept away?
is everybody high?
is everyone afraid?
and how many times have you wished you were strong?
have they ever seen your heart?
have they ever seen your pain?

oh life is waiting for you
it’s all messed up but we’re alive
oh life is waiting for you
it’s all messed up but we’ll survive

she gets high, she gets lost
she gets drowned by the cost
twice a day, every week
and all of her life

she gets high, she gets lost
she gets drown by the cost
twice a day, every week
and all of her life

life is waiting for you
it's all messed up but we’re alive
oh life is waiting for you
it's all messed up but we’ll survive

oh life is waiting for you
it's all messed up but we’re alive
oh life is waiting for you, oh
it's all messed up but we’re alive
it's all messed up but we’ll survive
it's all messed up but we’re alive
it's all messed up but we will, we will survive...

why dads are cute

2006-09-13T19:45:00.000+08:00

sweet, like honey.

2006-09-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path

this whole weekend's been madness, in more ways than one. so much to do, so much to say, so much to consider. i've felt more than i have in a longlong time.. i should be drained.

but you, you make me crazymadnesshigh.

it was you and i

2006-08-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

but mostly me.

sneak preview from the top of eagle's nest, germany.. more pix to come!

i'm alive!!

2006-08-01T12:28:00.000+08:00

hahaa sorry to everyone whose smses i haven't replied or calls i haven't returned.. i've been busy sorting through all the stuff in my house and throwing damn a lot of it away. it's amazing how much junk you manage to accummulate in seventeen years, really. i had tearful (okay not really) reunions with many stuffed toys, some old, some new; and then put them in bags to be brought to the salvation army. it's damn sad, really. so okay, humans, i know christmas is coming so please don't buy me any more stuffed toys.. i really haven't got the space. all my worldly possessions are currently packed in just four boxes, three of which are in storage. so if i can't return you stuff i borrowed, such as the narnia book from jams, please don't get mad!! six months, i promise!

it feels funny, going home. as in home to my old house home. it doesn't quite feel like home anymore. it's disgustingly messy, there isn't that organisation to the chaos that there used to be. and my dog isn't there anymore, and that just feels wrong. the first few days she was gone i kept forgetting and i'd think i hear her breathing while she lies outside whichever window she thinks i'm nearer to, but when i look up there she just isn't there. for a moment i'd wonder.. then i'd remember my tiny phua is far away in pasir ris, on the other side of the island. now that, Really sucks. it's funny, all these little things that make a house a home. and for the next six months i will have a home, with my family, but it wouldn't be a complete home. not without that familiar little black nose poking everywhere.

tmr i'm going back to sn with tiff (zhi are you coming???) to sell my old invest u. i should have just sold it when i left la.. it's just been sitting in my closet gathering dust all these years. but. hehheh, the pm room is still paying me the same price it used to four years ago so yay. (: it was damn nice timing when ms low contacted me about the sn teachers' day dinner, just before i sealed up the storage box with my invest u. heehee (: speaking of which, sn girls - 4c table? 30aug, marina mandarin, $50? let me know.

hmmmhmmm. and then there's odacia coming up! and best is, the vietnam travellers (with 16kg(!!!!) of avocados) and the italy backpacker and the krabi holidayer are all back! (: full attendance from the girls, Again. (: yay i can't wait to see everybody! especially those i haven't seen for 847637849384years aka mr jeremy marcus buddy ng yonglai. saturday faster comee!!!

oh! and i almost forgot! sn girls hello movie date #2?? use up the free ticket? expiring 14aug??

2006-07-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

so this is what feels like - when the bottom of the cardboard box gives way, and all it's contents are falling downdowndown into nothingness, save you, hanging by your favourite brown belt about to snap.

there's three ways out of every box
fall out the bottom or you crawl out the top
there's three ways
out of every, every box
but if you can't find your way out
then you just burn it to the ground
and you'll disappear, like smoke.. into the clouds

there's three ways off a merry-go-round
you either jump or you let it slow down
there's three ways
off a a merry-go, merry-go-round
but if you can't put your foot down
then you just burn it to the ground
and you walk away, real slow.. back into the crowd

hold me darling, just a little while?

2006-07-08T23:40:00.000+08:00

i know i said i would blog about the rest of my europe trip, and i will. just not now.. havent found myself in the blogaboutexcitingeuropeadventures mood yet. so please be patient (:

anyway lately i have been clearing out my stuff in preparation to move (yes, Finally) and hoho! what should i come across but my four piles of jc stuff, carefully dated and filed in chronological order, complete with filled in blanks and exclusive, highly entertaining scribbles by various people bored at some point in time in lt one. so of course i had to flip through everything, read a bit.. and in the process, i realised.. i have gotten dumber from jc!!!! do you remember walking around chanting glyphosate inhibits 5 enol pyruvate shikimate-3-phosphate (synthase), Streptococcus hygroscopicus inhibits glutamine synthase pathway in Basta, or mugging the use of Bacillus thuringiensis in insect resistant Bt crops? do you remember how to interconvert organic compounds with dry ether and
all those other make-yamkhoon-happy reagents? things like that.

i don't know about you, but i always tell myself that someday i will sit down and reread all these things and feel smart again. but i can't even do that anymore, due to the Return of the Evil Brother whose middle name is Throw. so now all my stuff has to be given away or sent to paper recycling. oh lucky those humans who get them!

in other irrelevant news, my grandma (well and back from hospital, thanks for all the concern (:) has been having numerous dreams of my dog, with one particularly disturbing one brought to my attention today. apparently she dreamt that tiny was eating and eating something nonstop, and she became damn bloated and everything and Died. actually it was longer than that la, but gist is above. so when tiny's kibble got delivered today, and we had nowhere to store all twenty kg of it and were contemplating leaving them outside ie. within reach of the tiny, my mom was like 'oh maybe mama's dream will come true!' YA. k. thanks mom.

all the food is sitting in the kitchen now.

france - paris and nice

2006-05-28T17:24:00.000+08:00

we're actually in rome now, got here this morning about six plus. france was a total transport hazard, from the internal trains to the connection to rome.

to paris we took the eurostar, which was the only smooth journey we had - the seats were nice and comfortable. within paris, the metro was a Mess and in the end we just walked like mad. we had to make a reservation for the train to nice, which according to the eurail booklet can be made at ANY train station. so we happily went to some metro station where they said non, non, must book at rer! so okay we metro-ed to austerlitz, and went to the sncf office BUT gay shits said we had to go to gare du lyon! by the way reservations must be made before eight and it was like seven thirty at that time.. so we thought maybe we should just take a risk and not reserve. luckily we happened to chat with some other travellers who told us the trains from paris to nice are very likely to be full, so we had to go to gare du lyon station to book!! time check: seven forty eight. velda, donald and i were sent to sprint across this huge bridge connecting the stations (almost as long as the sentosa bridge!!!!) and ran ran ran all the way to the booking counter. so YAY! we managed to reserve seats on the next train (we wanted the nine thirty four, but got the eleven fifty). when the next day came, we realised we had no idea which platform the train was going to leave from, just a number between five and twenty three. O.O the display board didn't hint at the platform at all, and the train was actually delayed but they didn't announce anything so T.T understand! somehow we managed to get onto the train and went to nice with a lady and nice dog. in nice, we decided we must Learn From Previous Experiences and reserve the seats once we arrived, but the reservation office had closed for the day. so nevermind, we thought, come back tmr. BUT the next morning, early in the morning, velda and i went down to the train station to find that.. THE RESERVATION OFFICE WAS ON STRIKE and we couldn't reserve tickets at all. T.T!!!!!! the people there told us we had to go to ventimiglia in italy(?!!!) to make the reservation, but because we were too adventurous we decided to just screw it and jump onto the train!! heehee. originally we meant to train to venice then connect to rome from there, but because we are so blessed, we managed to jump onto a train that went directly to rome!!!! and we all managed to sit together and not get chased off!!! YAY! so this is the story of horrible french transport. please note if you ever decide to visit. (vel would like to say that even though it sounds very exciting and fun it was really rather horrible and humjifying esp if you don't want to sleep in smelly train corridor)

france itself was not so bad, the eiffel tower, which we summitted, had the most magnificent view!!! blinking lights and everything. SUPER CHIO!!! (: (: (: we also visited the louvre, where we had fun seeking the mona lisa and the elusive inverted pyramid. look at our photos (to be posted) and see kelven and donald kneeling at the rose line!!! (: hahaa da vinci code pls. the other paintings and sculptures were beautiful too. very nice afternoon we spent there. the notre dame cathedral has a super duper nice interior, and we took ten million billion photos (: i attended the ascension mass at the cathedral, during which i basically stoned and guessed at the meanings of everything. but it was quite an experience, really. we saw the arc de triumphe and walked champs de elysees.. touristy stuff (: ohohoh! we met kelven's sis kelly for dinner at this really nice french restaurant, where donald fell in love with soupe de poisson and bravely attempted to eat pig intestines (which we thought were pork ribs when we ordered) hahaa. and we tested the super hot mustard which was more like wasabi than anything else. fun!!

okay so enough about paris, vel says she'll write about our hotel balladins adventures.

nice was nice. pun or no pun. like, seriously. we climbed this waterfall thing from where we had a panoramic view of nice, which was totally gorgeous!!!! (and weight losing) the flower market (marche aux fleurs (;) was really pretty too. but most of our time we spent (when not in search for food) walking along the coast and some of us went swimming in the ice cold sea. oooh. didn't really want to leave nice, but with the monaco grand prix and cannes film festival, we couldn't get no accommodation..

BTW!! can i please tell you i had escargot in nice!!! like, Snails. even better yet, i actually Liked it. oh my. tiff are you proud of me? hahaa okayokay enough time wasted blogging. got to explore roma!

london

2006-05-24T08:29:00.000+08:00

visiting london on a shoestring is like being thrown into a life-sized game of monopoly without being able to collect two hundred on passing go. you pass by all the familiar names - leicester square, trafalgar square, king's cross.. but you never really buy anything.

when we arrived yesterday around seven am, it was already light out. first stop - velda's uncle joe's place in clapham north. it's a really nice house, perfect for living alone. uncle joe is Reallyreally nice, he not only gave up the master bedroom for us but even stocked up on stuff for our bfast. (:

we tubed to enbankment to see the thames, the london eye, big ben and parliament houses, from where we walked like mad - trafalgar square to visit the national gallery (nice art work pls) and st-martin's-on-the-fields; leicester square to looksee and visit leicester park; along regent and oxford streets (more monopoly places btw).. you get the idea.

london buskers are really cool. they not only play the guitar, but also the bagpipes and the sax. there was this bagpiper outside the national gallery, and his music was beautiful. it had that slightly melancholic tone that bagpipes always give, and it totally suited the cold wind and dreary drizzle. speaking of which, i would like to tell you that i finally understand what people mean when they say london weather is miserable. the weather here was totally dreary and drizzly both days we were here, save for the occassional five minute burst of sunshine (and warmth).

london buildings are really cool too. i love the whole brick thing. it makes me feel like the house is nice and sturdy and safe. i like. people should build nice honest brick houses more!!!

to catch chicago at the cambridge theater, we played a game of amazing race. (actually we were lost la.. so because we thought we were going to be late, we started running along the streets of london and asking people for directions -btw very few people actually can give exact directions to cambridge theater, for some strange reason- and arrived at the theater six minutes before the musical was to start. it was pretty good, except that we were all damn sleepy so T.T i don't think we fully appreciated it.

today was just a mega tube everywhere day - camden town, king's cross, hyde park, knightsbridge, victoria, covent garden, waterloo.. we really exhausted the one day pass i think. we couldn't get onto platform nine and three quarters, guess no wizard's school for us. :\ hyde park was really lovely, many pretty landscapes and adorable duckies to feed.. harrods was Damn Big, and i really felt like buying everything in the food halls but no money T.T so we only picked up a small gift for uncle joe. mmm somehow in the process of locating buckingham palace from victoria station, we ended up at westminster cathedral (hahaa Yes, we were that far off) so we visited it first. i really liked it. they have many small chapels, apart from the main worship area.. and there was a chapel dedicated to st. patrick and the saints from ireland. it really reminded me of my grandpa. hahaa. anyway, we managed to catch the changing of the guards at buckingham, where it was again raining (sigh) and then we Got Lost Again trying to get back to the underground.. in the end we went past the wellington memorial and somehow landed up in hyde park corner station so we just got in and went to covent garden to meet up with wongshihuiiiiii (: wongshihui rocks la.. she took us to kintaro, this jap/korean place to eat dinner - VeryVeryVery nice. if you read this babe, thanks! it was really good to see youuuu! (: meet up soon in singapore ya! besides shihui, we also met up with kevinkok who is doing his two month europe tour. wanted to have a coffee together but it was kindof late and everything was closing so we just stood around and talked for a bit before coming back. yep.

tmr morning we go to paris!!! (: it's a whole new board game!

walk on the water

2006-05-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

because sometimes we forget that everything is in the hands of God.

come to me now across the ocean
i am waiting for you
i know you want to be with me
in all kinds of weather
don't look at what lies in between us
there's no need to be afraid
i'll send my spirit out to seek you
drawing you so close to me

you can walk on the water
trusting in my power
don't be frightened of the wind and waves
you can walk on the water
just believe i love you
always keep your eyes on mine

you say you truly want to follow me
in everything that you do
but you wonder if it's just far too hard
and you feel like giving up
why do you doubt that i can keep you
safe from every danger
i simply have to say the word
and every storm will pass you by

strong winds may blow
sending waves crashing all around you
i'll raise you up and you'll walk through every storm
-based on matthew 14:22-33-

you think you've got forever, but you don't.

2006-05-13T13:37:00.000+08:00

my dog is going to die.

tiny is going to die. tiny is going to die. tiny is going to die. no matter how many times i say it to myself or out loud, it just doesn't sound quite right. like it's something happening to someone else, not very possible. like a really bad joke, only it isn't. tiny, is going to die.

if we're lucky, we've got five more years. if not, well then. i guess i always knew in some corner of my brain that one day she would have to go, but that's pretty much where that thought remained - in that hidden corner, unacknowledged, ignored. and to actually be given a tangible time frame, to finally be made to face up to the fact that you don't really have forever, God, it's pretty damn Awful.

now she's just got the occasional cough and still looks fit as a fiddle, but soon that will change. she will be listless, lethargic, edema-ish, in discomfort - all those things that come with congestive heart failure. she's on daily pills and a brand new HD diet, constant reminders that she's not well, that her time's ticking away. it frightens me. i think it frightens me more now, because i know "congestive heart failure" isn't just a term made up by doctors to scare; because i actually know what is expected to happen, is happening to my dog right now. i know congestive heart failure is a degenerative disease; i know the meds will only slow down the deteriotation, not cure it. i know it's not going to be easy for her. and that hurts.

today we were at the vet, and tiny freaked out and tried to run away. she was terrified for the entire time (which was prolonged because we'd turned up at the wrong branch due to some miscommunication and had to take a walk-in queue number) and i was just thinking how the hell is she going to cope with the many more reviews and stuff to come? and btw, one of the staff there totally pissed me off. since we were at the wrong clinic, i asked if i could just see the vet at the clinic we were at, and evil woman rolled her fed up eyes and was basically being damn unpleasant. HELLO? are you blind or something? my dog was bloody shivering on the floor and obviously traumatised at having to see the vet and you want me to load her up in the van and bring her to Another Clinic?!! lady, you've seriously got your priorities wrong okay. in a pet clinic, i expect my pet's welfare to come first. i don't care if you have to make that extra call to cancel the appointment on the other side and retrieve my dog's records. it's not like i wanted to jump the queue or anything so just save the attitude. you want to work in a pet clinic, you jolly well put your patients first. if not, just screw off alright? you go try facing someone like yourself on the day you get told your dog is going to die and you tell me how it feels. bitch. AND then, when dispensing medicine she just basically mumbled her way through the instructions and when i wanted to ask her something she just did her old roll fed up eyes routine and gave me a totally irrelevant answer. then when she realised she wasn't answering my question, she didn't even have the courtesy to apologise and just barked out some unhelpful nonsense. totally unpleasant woman. GAHH to her. okay that was a damn long bitch about insignificant woman i hope i never have to speak with her again.

whatever. me and my dog, we're going to show that bitch that we're not going to give up without a fight. we'll show her that one day without her bloody medicine, we'll still be right as rain, and happy at that. i love my tiny phua. i've loved her since the moment i met her eyes as she lay on the the table in the cramped printing room in sn. i loved her when she hid under the shoe rack and i thought she was lost and i loved her when i saw that little black nose emerge from there when i was putting on my school shoes and i loved her when that tiny bundle crawled into my lap. i loved her even when she threw her temper tantrums, i loved her when she was a rascal, i loved her when she had that hormone problem and was peeing all over the floor. God, i love her. and maybe we can't have forever, but i really just want a little more now. just normal days, good or bad, any day at all. just a day with her in it. just a day.

if you have a minute, please keep her in your prayers?

strange people online at five am

2006-05-05T07:12:00.000+08:00

i woke up at four thirty and couldn't get back to sleep, so i decided to get up and actually do something. then, i realised my dad was awake too, for some strange reason. but he's gone off to play golf now, and it's just me again.

i realise there's only one dog boarding facility in the west, and it doesn't have a website o.O westies if you have any to recommend, please drop me an sms. i don't want pet sitter, cause the thing now is my dog has no house to go to. so yep, i need like, a place for her to stay, and where i can visit her regularly. thanks (:

anyway it sounds like it's going to start raining now, how is my daddy going to play golf?

bobby ah, bring me to chinatown?

2006-05-03T22:46:00.000+08:00

today was another one of those chinatown days, ie long hours at kfc (the hot wings are quite nice btw, though they only gave me drumsticks)and tenmillionbillion phonecalls. but, put down the deposit! so am feeling accomplished (: yay! kl and genting, we go, we go! yet to convince parents about batam. and if all goes well tmr, i get to pay for my europe air ticket!!! heehee ((((: seriously, booking holidays are the only time i actually look forward to giving away money (esp the time when i just got my atm card and was having fun swiping Everything.. hahaa tiff, do you remember?) cause of that incredible sense of Control i have over my life. yayyayyay!

i made a new friendly friend, bobby! hahaa okay actually bobby is my dad's new car, which he let me drive today. bobby is cool, he has A Sense Of Direction, and actually speaks to me. like, i input where i want to go, and this voice tells me where to turn and etc. it's like God bringing me home or something. funky huh! and if i make a wrong turn, bobby works out a new way to get to my destination!! thing is, bobby is kindof Big and hard to park, plus very stressful to drive cause my dad keeps leaning across the seat waiting to press handbrake button (which is somehow situated on my right) just in case i crash his new baby. btw bobby's gears are also on my right. hahaa strange bobby. so anyway from the petrol station, bobby directed me almost to my house. he kept over-estimating distances (like turn right 100m from here when it was really like 25m) and insisting that "we have arrived" when basically we were kind of facing the drain at the bottom of the slope leading to my house. hello?!?! but otherwise, he is a cool bobby and i can't wait to drive him again (:

ohohOH. is anyone interested in going vietnam for a couple of weeks in june/july? it's more or less planned already, but need boys to go. so boys, if you want to spend two weeks (that's fourteen whole days!!) with the two pretty girls below, let them know! (or if you want to sponsor me, i don't mind either. cause four girls counts as one boy!)

tiff don't kill me

if you eat with mel, Don't let her cut bread. look at her poorinvalidrefusetostopbleeding thumb.

oh, happy day!

nita, the ultimate luck girl. i love.

2006-04-20T16:07:00.000+08:00

so i caused the gv people to receive a million entries to the mirrormask promo, mostly from people who were bewildered on receiving my instructions to send emails proclaiming that YES HELENA IS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD!!!! so that i could up my chances of getting my hands on those tickets. something is wrong with my syntax this sentence sounds weird.

whatever.

anyway, my point is, NITA WON ME THOSE TICKETS!!!!!!!!!! (: (: (: lots of drama, cause she only checked her email at 8.23pm yesterday and discovered the tickets were for a show that began screening at seven. O.O so my dear pissedoff -okay "irritated"- friend sent them an Angry Email that made them promise to issue tickets for another screening!!!!! and that means, we're going to watch mirrormask baby! (: yeayeaYEA! nita is like the ultimate luck girl. she wins just about Everything. i think the last thing she won was like, a camera when she got her ibm. so folks, if you want to win any promo, call nita!!!

and of course, of course thank you all the people i badgered to send in those entries for me!! (: nice people, you! (:

in other news, the bug my sis brought back from vietnam is neither the avian flu (like we thought) nor dengue fever (like her doctor thought). it's just a VeryNastyFluBug. so because she decided to pass the bug to me, i couldn't do anything i'd intended to do this week at all. my home is filled with nose-blowing noises, dry coughs and stuffednosewithsorethroat talk.

thank goodness for grey's anatomy.

springtime for hitler

2006-04-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

caught the producers today, it is Spanking Good please go watch it if you have time. i was laughing my head off almost the entire time i nearly got a stitch. and, the music is pretty good!! so.. WATCH! especially if you have no money to watch west side story hahaa. (:

i was talking to kenrick about it (btw i have decided that kenrick is a really nice guy, even though he thinks i am short)-
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
and the girl!!!!!
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
daryl if u are VERY TALL u will be like her i think.. haha
daryl! says:
?
daryl! says:
like her how?
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
watch the movie la
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
haha
daryl! says:
hmm
daryl! says:
it better not be insulting me kenrick tham
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
no...
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
she is DAMN HOT
IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!!!! freedom! FREEDOM!! says:
haha
daryl! says:
*gasp!
daryl! says:
you think im damn hot!
daryl! says:
(but short)

HAHAA!

went to toys r us today!!! oh my goodness can i please tell you there are really damn a lot of toys i wish i had when i was kid. and taboo, TABOO!! very nice $69.90 price tag. hai.

some pictures from yesterday's cycling:

random pointing everywhere shot heehee (:

this just looks nice, somehow.

monkeys climbing tree! (:

cortisol level constant

2006-04-06T01:40:00.000+08:00

today didn't really feel like i expected it to. there wasn't that euphoria at completing my last paper, or even a sense of relief. i felt a little stoned, i felt a little overwhelmed. but mostly i felt like i really needed to continue mugging, not because it's become a habit, but just in case You-Know-What. i always thought post-exam high was like the respi volume-time curve, where FEV1(high-ness1?) constitutes 80-90% of total high. i guess in uni, all these thingys get screwed up. rather disappointing, really.

i'm feeling cheated of my post-exam high. :(

my day, from midnight: mug, sleep for two hours, mug somemore, physio paper, long john's chilli appetiser (only comes with One 22oz drink btw), three hour sushi buffet, v for vendetta, visiting mr daniellimchongsoon, garlic rice with squid supper, shower. hmmm actually supper and shower don't really count, it's not 5 april anymore!

strangely awake, the wonders of cold water.
feels good to be having conversations not predominantly discussing concepts or past year qns.

i'm feeling: contented. (: hmm actually not really also, i want to eat hokkien mee! :\

before i resume mugging,

2006-04-04T20:05:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU KENRICK THAM YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!

hahaa thanks for all the help last night! (even though your aa metab summary didnt include today's qn >.<) you are so nice listening to me whine and argue with you in the middle of the night. yay kenrickkenrick!! (:

and to show mr law yichung i understood (kindof) his fuck analysis last night,
today's paper? ah, fuck it la. <- fuck, expressing uhh.. i don't know how to describe T.T

okay, my shower and physio beckon!

my palm-sized heaven

2006-03-30T13:17:00.000+08:00

this, is Heaven do you understand!!!!
been stuffing my face with these babies. one packet in three days, with about twelve servings, each with 32% of my recommended daily fat intake. you do the math.

if anybody can find me a workable way to get a constant supply of these (sending random humans to hawaii periodically not included) i will Marry you. seriously. okay maybe not seriously but ya i will give you a nice big reward (: (: (: Really.

these nuts remind me of lazy sunny days in hawaii, lounging on the beach and visiting everywhere in the battered up rental car. it reminds me of seasports with my brother, and trekking with my parents in slippers. it reminds me of breathtaking sunsets and beautiful nights, of ABC stores and dancing hula girls (and boy).

aloha!

have you seen the world in a grain, or heaven in a wild flower?
have you held infinity in the palm of your hand, or eternity in an hour?
i have, looking down at the world, sailing a thousand feet off the ground.

that's where i wanna be.

btw, for those interested, adventure trail challenge 2006 is here again!
see http://www.ntuodac.com/atc/atc.php

hey sweetheart

2006-03-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

it feels really good to have someone who can say that to you just the right way, without sounding too patronising and basically just making you want to collapse on a beanbag next to said person, and whine your guts out about everything and nothing all at once.

these people, are rare.

hello human who said that to me today! you're rare!! (:

the world, is winning.

2006-03-13T19:29:00.000+08:00

the seven o'clock show is getting boringer and boringer, i think i might just give it up altogether. which may actually be a good thing, since it gives me an hour more to mug each day; and considering that my great achievement of today was filing up my notes and discovering i am missing A Lot of head and neck, i think there is no such thing as too much time anymore.

i should also cut back on the time i spend eating.
recently my appetite has been totally uncontrollable. my satiety centres are really not working anymore :\ i am eating so much, there is a constant tingling in my jaw, And i gained a whole inch on my waist O.O so i tell myself to eat less! but woe, there is just too much good food to pass up!! ikea meatballs and chicken wings and hot dogs, ben and jerry's, old chang kee, hibiki, nydc, stickyfatty funfair food, MY GRANDMA'S COOKING.. hai. it's me against the world, and the world is winning.

tiffanie claims mugging helps one lose weight. hmmmmmn.

but in the meantime, mommy is buying me char kway teow tonight!!! heehee
oh, joy!

today, the eighth of march

2006-03-08T17:22:00.000+08:00

so today i passed up lunch at clarke quay with the med girls and took the train to meet tiff in faraway bishan instead, where we lamented the lack of good food in our lives and tried to choose between pastamania and crystal jade. in the end, i reversed the one two we did, so we ended up in pastamania anyway, where i happily stuffed myself with my lunch before moving on to tiff's. HAHAA. fattyfats. oh and she tried to educate me about programming for all of three seconds before she just, gave up. hahaa.

tiff, if i had one of those gem thank you cards, i'd address it to you and tick off every single option they have, and add a few more of my own, simply because you are who you are. love you babe.

then i came back and dashed off a reply to eunice, which is so long my fingers are still tingling.

and i'm waiting for tonight's kite flying and steamboat plans to be confirmed, though i have this suspishy feeling they won't actually be followed through. oh well. i wouldnt mind attacking the b&j in the fridge with a good book, after a jog maybe?

i realise i am very easily contented, on a day to day basis.

..

but Anyway, the point of this whole post is, today is a good day!! counting this morning and the five minutes i spent in the library, almost all the most important humans in my life have already been part of it (:

i'm listening to: rooster - to die for

lonely nights.

2006-03-02T19:38:00.000+08:00

well jack, i guess it's just you and me.

and if you pangsei, i will just sit somewhere and cry.

almost like having a baby

2006-03-02T12:06:00.000+08:00

zhimin had cornflakes and louis koo for breakfast, and i had cornflakes and newspapers. but what i really wanted ~~was~~ is an old chang kee curry puff and some breaded prawns on a stick.

i intended to get them from yih this morning, but thanks to a lie-in and missing mr dedrick chan the kind who came to pick me up, as well as subsequent inertia and failure to convince my mom that it was more an immediate need than a frivolous want, i now have no choice but to sit around and hope that she remembers them on her way back from work.

hai. cravings.

meanwhile, in addition to mr curry puff and friends breaded prawns (if they actually make it), i would like jack on my mugging team tonight.

off nita's blog

2006-03-01T00:53:00.000+08:00

DARYL PHUA.
because of you, i am laughing so hard people might think i'm severely stressed. which might potentially be true. but anw:
i went back home today, mildly traumatised by the histo review. after a long nap, i finally decided to get down to some work, and i took out my BONE notes, and on page8, i see a picture of a decalcified bone exhibiting flexibility, and its been annotated: "hello nita! this is an auntie anne PRETZEL!! are you hungry yet?"
1. to be honest i found it initially revolting, that you could have thought of eating it, 2. you'll be glad to know that i was highly amused after that, and 3. now what's troubling me is that i actually really DO feel hungry for an auntie anne.

i just wanted to tell you this at 9:17 PM

O.O and it wasn't even exams yet.
i miss those wonky days.

but it got torn.

2006-02-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

today had all the makings of a perfect day, and it was well headed that way.
but.

i don't like to talk about issues until i've thought through them and more or less know what i have to say. kind of like writing a gp essay, except i haven't really got a conclusion in mind; we can work that out together.

come and hold my hand, i want to contact the living

and i waited.

the breakfast man

2006-02-25T10:16:00.000+08:00

dad·dy
n. Informal pl. dad·dies
A father.

fa·ther n.
A man who begets or raises or nurtures a child.
A male parent of an animal.
A male ancestor.

par·ent n.
One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
An ancestor; a progenitor.
An organism that produces or generates offspring.
A guardian; a protector.

this morning i woke up to a smell that set the tone for the day. it made me want to hug someone really hard, but he'd already left for work.

ghim moh carrot cake, no chilli!! (:

my dad rocks, seriously. thursday i was complaining about how my ghim moh carrot cake breakfast plans were foiled (largely by my oversleeping, but still. i felt like whining okay.) and today, today when he knew i'd be at home, he woke up early just to get me that carrot cake. and he knows, oh yes he knows, that i'd feel slightly guilty and be extra nice to him tonight, but in the meantime i'd run around the entire day with a silly grin on my face.

in rj, on nights he saw me drained and worn out, my dad would slyly switch off my alarm clock when i was sleeping. the next day he'd wake me up and send me to school, just so i could have that extra twenty minutes of sleep i'd normally spend waiting for the bus.

my dad is generous in a way that makes me ache.
it's the way he tries so hard to keep my family so happy, at the expense of his time and money, that really gets to me. he doesn't always subscribe to the conventional days of giving, christmas and valentine's and whatnot. he doesn't need to. every day is an occassion to make him remind any one of us that we are special to him. the times he has surprised us with random things - a bunch of pretty flowers for my mom one day, or something he knew i had my eye another. but never, never for himself.

there is a difference between being generous and being a spendthrift.
there is a difference between being thrifty and being miserly.
generosity and thrift are not mutually exclusive.

he is the one who makes the effort to call my siblings when they study overseas if they don't call for more than ten days. heck, he used to call me when i stayed on campus and was coming home every single week!?! he is the one who keeps track of my sister's schedule, and calls her to check that she has arrived safely wherever she travels for work, even if he himself is out of the country. he is the one who clears the rubbish early in the morning. he is the one who makes me milo before i leave for school every day. he is the one who..

he is the one who lets me have a list so long i cannot write it all.

screw dictionary.com, he is so much more.

your little finger.

2006-02-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

i have this problem, with expectations.

i really should be mugging.

zq is coming down to nus to meet me for lunch tmr (:

oh to love you
to love you not
makes no difference, it's all that i've got
and there's no reason for you to watch while i wait
for you to be perfect, perfectly late

oh to have not
or to have
you swear on your life it's out of your hands
and there's no peace for the one you've left here
oh you perfectly know, you've no idea
that this never ends

time and time again
i lose everything
it's funny but, it never changes
i'm wrapped around your finger

love's gentle but love's unkind
lost for words and i'm out of time
and there's no comfort that calls me to stay
when your perfect excuse is perfectly late
but this never ends

-stretch princess-

oh, wake up jack!!!

2006-02-18T13:43:00.000+08:00

moneymoneymoney

everybody is raising school fees.

that's disgusting. three percent doesn't really sound like very much as compared to smu's fifteen percent increase, but when you take into account an eight hundred dollar hike last year even with the two hundred million (that's Eight zeros, count it yourself - 200 000 000) donation to the faculty, i'd say that's rather something. it's crazy.

if you've been following the debate in the forum page, you will realise nus doesn't really give a very satisfactory answer to where all the cash is going. tell me what you do with my money, damn it!

at least smu has the decency to ensure that the fee hike doesn't extend to existing students, since they enrolled into the course with the expectation that they are going to spend this amount on the course per year, and they don't deserve rude shocks like these. i think that's fair. when you agree on certain terms, you jolly well stick to it. just because you don't raise fees for four straight years doesn't make you a saint or justify increasing fees for two years in a row. or is the fact that schools are expected to up the fees every year something that only i wasn't aware of?

at the end of the day, it's not really the amount that matters, but more the principle behind this thing. ah, hell. enough of this.

moneymoneymoney

anyway, i was also looking at the singapore budget today. army boys get two hundred million! O.O

moneymoneymoney

can i tell you that yesterday, the atm at sci had no more money in it!!! so because i only had a miserable seventy-five cents and nita maybe like two bucks, we had to walk the long and treacherous path to nuh to get money. sadly, i spent my cash meeting tiff in the evening, and now i can see right through the hole in my wallet. hai.

i'm feeling: broke.

when in doubt, eat chocolate.

2006-02-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

me: life sucks.
nita: it'll be over soon.
i know.

all the way through today, there was this nagging something at the back of my mind. it made me leave zhongyang's baby moore on the ledge as i walked away, but luckily after a while i wondered why my hands were so empty and it was still there when i went back for it. (i'm sorry zhongyang, please don't kill me.)

sometimes i feel like i need to take a really long hike somewhere, but when i'm about to start, i realise i can't tell my right shoe from my left.

i think i'm fallin' asleep
but then all that it means is
i'll always be dreaming of you.

talking is not neccessarily communicating.

valentine's yesterday.
thank you nita and bano, for lunchtime company.
thank you daniel, for everything, and more.

eunice, sweetheart, and tiff, i love you both, even though i didn't call you.
but this, this is the greatest love story of all time.

love song - third day

i've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
just to be with the one he loves
how many times has he broken that promise
it has never been done.
i've never climbed the highest mountain
but i walked the hill of calvary

just to be with you, i'd do anything
there's no price i would not pay
just to be with you, i'd give anything
i would give my life away.

i've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
just to be with the one he loves
all of those dreams are an empty emotion
it can never be done
i've never swam the deepest ocean
but i walked upon the raging sea

i know that you don't understand
the fullness of my love
how i died upon the cross for your sins
and i know that you don't realize
how much that i gave you
but i promise, i would do it all again.

just to be with you, i've done everything
there's no price i did not pay
just to be with you, i gave everything
yes, i gave my life away.

but i guess
you didn't notice.

i've got mail!

2006-02-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

i love getting things in the mail!! an exciting package, an innocent looking postpac, a handwritten letter or even a hastily scribbled postcard will do. it says, i may not be right at your side, but i'm thinking of you right now anyway. or even better yet, even if i see you everyday, i thought i'd surprise you today! yay!

the best thing about mail is the person cannot see your immediate reaction. if it's something you really don't want to accept, you can take your time and think of the kindest way to return it. the worst thing about mail is the person can't see your immediate reaction. the uncontrollable ohmy-idon'tknowwhattosay-thankyou-you'resosweeeeet-awwwwww-thankyouthankyouthankyou facial expression transitions that would probably make the person feel like it was worth it.

mr nah yongen, i wish you could have seen my reaction when i saw that postpac with your handwriting on it, and when i actually opened it. it was, priceless. thank you veryvery much. you're an angel.

and i'll be there forever and a day, always.

2006-02-09T20:15:00.000+08:00

i like the current stone soup thread. it doesn't make me do a HAHAA laugh, more of a awwww how sweet kind of smile. go read it, do the aww thing too!

photos, will be my undoing.

does anybody have the mp3 for nocturne by amiboshi from fushigi yuugi? i have this sudden urge to listen to it.. send me if you do! thanks (:

today i wanted to mug before tiff came over, but the weather was too nice and the short 'rest' i took on my bed stretched into a 2h nap :\ erpx. i'm very motivated to mug, but i just can't overcome the energy barrier and leave this inert state. sigh.

i like the du du du sequence in life.

i'm listening to: bon jovi - always

walking in the sun, walking in the dark.

2006-02-07T20:25:00.000+08:00

if, when you pause for a moment and ask yourself why the hell you're doing what you're doing, and you say, maybe a little hesitantly, 'cause i'm supposed to.. aren't i?', i think you should just not do it.

on the other hand, if one day you stop and wonder why the hell you're wasting your time on something, and you think, 'but i like doing this!' or 'because i want to', i say go right ahead and keep at it.

i laced up my shoes and i ran and i ran and i Ran.
but thoughts don't only catch up, they engulf and smother and i'm left choking on tears i told myself i wouldn't, couldn't shed.
my legs hurt.
i hope you feel guilty right now.

there are things in life that are impossible to forget.
there are people in life that are impossible to replace.
there are words i wish i said, and words i wish you'd said, but we didn't and that's just too bad.

today is jayce's birthday..
happy birthday jaycie! twenty now, must act it!! loveya old thing!

2006-02-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

AND chilli bakkwa!!!!!!

kenrick, for that lunch, KENRICK IS EVIL. there. dared.

the unbearable Lightness of being

2006-02-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

nita, i think you really need to send me roobaroo. i have a window permanently open on your blog just so i can listen to the song while i use the comp. >.<

that aside, everybody i have just discovered the joy of sudoku!!! hahaa it's damn fun lei!!!! competed with my sister to see who could solve the puzzle first and of course being the great and wonderful me, i Won. WAHAHAA.

in other news, got my hair cut today! yay!
jiemei jiemei pedicure? WAX? hahaa!!! (:

actually today was a very random day. but it was fun!!!

OH wait can i please announce my great achievement of the day! i moved my fat ass and went for a jog! and did a hundred pushups and three hundred flubberlegs among other things!!! hahaa but i only did fifteen crunches la. sorry kenrick :
zy, i have a Whole Unopened bag of prawn rollsssss!!!! eheehee!!! (; nehnehnipoopoo!!

roobarooooooooooo!

please will you surprise me?

2006-01-30T02:25:00.000+08:00

i really want to be surprised by someone, anyone right now. well. not rightright now, but sometime-soonright now.

there are people i enjoy talking to, and then there are people i Enjoy talking to. we talk about happy things, hungry things, hilarious things, out-of-point things, sad things, old things, new things, exciting things, something, everything, nothing. i wish i could be talking to a few people whose voices i really miss, whose distinct msn fonts i'd really like to see, whose handwriting is so familiar.

hello you, you and you.
i love you, and i am missing you Bad.
if you are feeling the least bit guilty, please do something about it.

nobody kneels to offer cny greetings to their elders anymore. except in my family. for once in the year, i think about all the things i want my parents to be blessed with, in chinese. and then i choose two nice oranges without acne and get down on my knees and bless them. the words are a little foreign, sometimes even a little cheem (thank you, my chinese dictionary) but most importantly they are things i mean. and i hope that at least for that five minutes my parents and grandparents know that i respect them, and love them, and want them healthy and happy every single day of their lives.

in other news, my nephew is adorable. he is two, and very well-versed in car logos. so he stumbles into the house and wants to give his precious chocolate coins to the 'bee emm dwouble weu' and the 'merseediss'. he is shocked to discover that my stuffed dogs have no mouths, and tries to water them by squirting his little water bottle at them. he makes me laugh (:

if i could, i would like to swing on the moon for a while.
if i could, i would like to hold you for a while.
just a while.

one day we will skip and we will hop and we will jump.
but not today.

i'll be a scot yet.

2006-01-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

as of tonight, my lie in two truths and a lie (see below) no longer holds.

tonight, i ate intestines.
worse yet, i actually liked it!

uncle jim and auntie jill decided to cook a traditional scottish dinner for us tonight, before they leave for new zealand tmr morning so haggis it was! (: (probably my not knowing what i was eating till i had actually eaten it was a factor in my enjoying it >.< they convinced me it was some animal living in the mountains :\)

it was nice standing on the balcony with uncle jim and james, talking about all manner of strange things, learning to sip whiskey and blow the smoke off a cigar (: now, where are the men in kilts?

mel, you really owe me for this.

2006-01-24T17:47:00.000+08:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
O.O er mostly daryl! or del or phuaaaaaaa!

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: (presumably online nicks)
1. daryl!
2. daryl barrel
3. tinkerdel

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my scars (they say i've lived!! (:), my clavicles, my neck.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
scars from irritating bites (these just say i'm stupid and insects like me :\), zits, calves.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
anything sudden, tiny spaces and uh.. i don't know.. horror movies?

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
smiles, laughter and God! (:

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
polo tee, shorts, hairband

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
nobody really.. i listen to almost anything

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
oh no i can't decide :(
but right now free by lighthouse family is playing!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
three only??!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. i've eaten pigeon
2. i've eaten intestines
3. i've eaten chicken's heart

hahaa! eh but i think everyone knows the lie :\

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
nice eyes, nice smile, nice ears

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
aiyohh mel why is this thing so hard??

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
be inspired to mug, fly a kite or just FLY. and land somewhere new and exciting with somehow enough money and just be.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
doctor, vet, teacher

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
just about everywhere.. okay wait i don't really want to go to msia or thailand anymore.. erm. africa!! europe and.. bhutan. but no money (sponsors???) so vietnam-cambodia-laos!!!! (tiffanie and melody you all please go and plan)

THREE KID NAMES YOU LIKE:
this is kind of premature isn't it?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
fall in love.
touch a life.
tell all the people i love, i do; and the people who matter, they do.

and if possible, set foot in every city in the world maybe?

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
i check out girls, i constantly embarrass myself in public, i'm stupid.

O.O heehee okay aiyah I DON'T KNOW LA. but since most of my guy friends are buddyish with me so well. hmm. i must be boyish somehow.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
i don't often go to the washroom alone, i like boys, i wear skirts.

HAHAA okay aiyah i don't know la. why do they ask such strange questions?!?!! mel this thing is too hard!!! next time can you please only tag me if the quiz is Easy. thankyouverymuch. hahaa okay not going to subject anymore people to this torture (:

char, glad you had fun yesterday!! hahaa happy birthday i love you!

happy birthday emily!

2006-01-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

kenrick just sent me photos from em's party on friday.. so here are some of them!

birthday girl (:

yay! emily and meeee (:

whoisitwhoisitwhoisit!!!!!

hahaa me with kenrick, photographer for the day la!

special mention: weesoon the skinhead!

HAHAA. signature scrunched up shot

entertaining ourselves with..

mahjong!!!!!! (:

tellytubby,

and the hoolahoop.. too lazy to rotate this pic sorry hahaa.. work your neck muscles?

bottomline.

yay!! happy twentieth em!!! (:

odac19 goes to ubin

2006-01-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

yay! so yesterday more than half of batch nineteen (okay Eleven of us hahahaa!) went down to ubin supposedly for btc 2006, but really just to eat coconuts, cycle and do embarrassing things (: yay! why don't you see for yourself!

the trip was so far, we decided to take this!!

hahaa no la. this monster just happened to pass us. we took a bumboat only hahaa..

EH!! girls take picture!

boys take picture!!

okay everybody take picture?

turn around!!

kevin low the one. traitor defecting to soccer..

the girls are happy to see sir..

but.

This is the true star of the day!!! SOOOOO cute right?

puppy and mel

puppy and nita

puppy and sau

for obvious reasons, there is no puppy and tiff. but anyway, good things come in pairs.. and Skinny was discovered!!!!

the skinnies go together, as do the fatties.
mel carrying Skinny, me carrying Fatty!

okay then retarded things included trying to take another jumping picture.. and, after Ten Million Billion failed attempts (of which i wasn't a part, hahaa) we finally managed..

this.

yay! (: no pictures of the boring campfire (hoho!!) or exciting cycling (raining la.. T.T) so here are pix on the ride back.

juniors

jamin and jayce, gaying around.

tiff and me, Not gaying around.

yay!! so we all made it back in mostly one piece (: so fun so fun!! let's go again next year!! hahahaa! (:

anyway today i went to raffles hotel for the buffet brunch.. can i tell you the Dessert is MADNESS. i was a total pig. but a very happy one (:

time for you to go out to the places you will be from

2006-01-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

can one ever get used to change?
or will it always be like being pelted with ice cubes, like wearing new clothes - something you cannot help but be conscious of, whether it hits you hard or is something you simply slip into.

for you were made for greater things than this
have your fingers brushed against that star you were reaching for?
are we really moving on, to newer, greater, better things or are we just, more than anything else, making do?

i saw you today, and i remembered.
sometimes it isn't just the people who make the difference.
there is life in your grimy walls and rusty gates, and marks that bear testimony to more than people can ever remember; and here is where the most important philosophies are hidden.

i stood there a long time, just looking.
seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, feeling.
comforted, haunted.
it's really like one of those long-running productions - the same show, but with a whole new cast.
you, your time is up, you're different now, you need a new role.
but the show must go on.

you smile, you laugh, you even think you've adjusted!
but when the curtain falls, when the bubble wrap is torn, you and you alone know how your perfect world, is in fact flawed, and how, with everything stripped away, the girl inside is really quite the same.

and you will realise, the holiday is Over.

2006-01-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

my printer is feeling abused.

the poor baby which is used to occassional printing of my dad's flight details and confirmation slips has just been subjected to the cruel torture of printing my renal lect 2-4 notes. that's like making me do a 4k run now :\ except that while i would probably have given up halfway, my printer is besting me in endurance and pressing on like a pressing on. yay printer!

i need to buy colour cartridges.

i am feeling abused.

i never knew printing notes was such A Chore. especially since our friend martin interestingly enjoys putting Footnotes in his bloody powerpoints, which means extra modification before printing can take place. cut and paste, cut and paste. HAI. i am eternally grateful to all those lovely people who helped me print my notes in sem one (especially nella!) thankyouthankyouthankyou.

today's cycling with ck and zy turned into the adventures of the Secret (Terrific?) Three (and dog, though dog was hardly there) involving the traumatising of emily, jamin and nita, rolling on (at which i Suck), food madness at breko's and gelare, enthusiastic shopping at many places with vigorous train rides and etc.

yay! i liked today!

"okay let's think of something exciting three people can do.. musical chairs?"

can you put it any better?

2006-01-10T00:21:00.000+08:00

Intimacy is a four syllable word for 'here are my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger and enjoy.' It's both desired and feared. Difficult to live with and impossible to live without.

let's make this last forever.

2006-01-08T20:22:00.000+08:00

Jayce says:
maybe you need an ivory tower
daryl! - jayce is EVIL. says:
ivory tower?

ivory tower
n.
A place or attitude of retreat, especially preoccupation with lofty, remote, or intellectual considerations rather than practical everyday life.

cool. i could deal with that.. especially when all tmr brings is more vegging in lt29, with perhaps a dao sa pao with kenrick as the highlight of the day.

and jaycie: once i am found, i will get my fairy feet out of the bottle and go home to -tinkerdel, where we can scavenge for tuna and i can re-learn closing time on the battered old guitar. -heeheeheesnort?

2006-01-06T12:40:00.000+08:00

i feel like going next door and beating the daylights out of the idiot wielding the drill that woke me up hours ago and has been going on Forever. i think i have to go shopping just to get away from all the noise. mag!! why aren't you free today! then we all could have gone narnia-ing and i wouldnt have to put my delicate ears up to such assault.

first post of the year and already i'm whining.
not good.

i wonder at my neighbour's reaction when our house undergoes renovation. hmmm.

i'm feeling: annoyed.
i'm listening to: plain white t's - hey there delilah (but it's getting drowned out by the bloody drill)

and on earth, peace.

2005-12-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

somebody just walked out the door but i miss him already :
caught joyeux noel today, i thought it was Really Good!! please watch!!! someone says i am strange, always watching all these shows set in wars.. but there is something very moving about watching people like you and me struggle to maintain some sense of humanity, to see the strength and courage and love people are capable of even in times of desperation, to see how in the end, everybody is different but the same. and then one is reminded that faith in people is not a misplaced faith, and that sometimes good and bad need each other to be recognised.

and because someone reminded me that i forgot, and after thinking for damn long i realised i couldn't make a choice amongst them, here are my three favourite pictures of the year.

this year, in pictures.

2005-12-28T00:45:00.000+08:00

because a picture is worth a thousand words (:

cny at ivan's, momiji girls, boxing day at sx's.

pelapah! comm's parade, numerous girls' outings, odacia2005, stayover at chowsau's, yx's sendoff.. no sailing pix though :(

med dnd, and one bus stop shot with nellaaaaa!

the big us of a!!!
visiting big brother in chicago, then off to hawaiiiiii! no jetskiing or parasailing shots though.. :

the people and things i miss like crazy!!

hahaa okay yay!! more photos in 2006!!! (hopefully!)

follow that star.

2005-12-25T17:03:00.000+08:00

christmas again, and in the midst of all the joy and laughter and love and warmth, there is always this uneasiness. what about those who can't enjoy christmas, God?

want to catch joyeux noel before it ends it's run; heard that it's the kind of show i'd like.

and this, this always reminds me that we're in the protection of the highest powers, however unlikely it might seem.

from a distance, the world looks blue and green
and the snow-capped mountains white
from a distance, the ocean meets the stream
and the eagle takes to flight

from a distance, there is harmony
and it echoes through the land
it's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
it's the voice of every man

from a distance, we all have enough
and there is no one in need
and there are no guns, no bombs and no disease,
no hungry mouths to feed

from a distance, we are instruments,
marching in a common band
playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace
they're the songs of every man

God is watching us, God is watching us.
God is watching us, from a distance.

from a distance, you look like my friend
even though we are at war
from a distance, i just can't comprehend
what all this fighting is for

from a distance, there is harmony
and it echoes through the land
and it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man

it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
this is the song of every man

a blessed christmas everyone! try not to pig out too much (:

i'm like a shooting star, i've come so far.

2005-12-21T16:36:00.000+08:00

or have i?

spent the afternoon curled up on the couch, being taken to a world of marvellous medicines, witches, dream-blowers and a little girl named matilda. chocolate factories and giant peaches, great glass elevators and seeing without eyes. danny, the champion of the world.

after all these years, he is still magic.

i love roald dahl, and the lion king (: i love my wet, soaped up dog and the smell of fresh laundry. i love, i love.

so much for packing up the place.

i'm listening to: the cd mag burned me in sec four!! (: thanks babe!!

just push play.

2005-12-19T12:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday's comm's dinner with zy was fun, thanks zy for inviting me (: was totally laughing my head off when they played the questions game, cause i had the image of us coming up with the questions playing like a video in my mind.. guy's most ticklish spot jaycie? so, anyway, i had a good time (:

to my big brother, happyhappy birthday! hope you got the card, i miss you!!

there is this one day, i cannot get out of my head.
but it is not yesterday.

i'm listening to: jj lin - dou jiang you tiao

did you tuck your shirt into your underwear?

2005-12-17T19:33:00.000+08:00

was on my way to pasir ris for kayaking this morning when i got a call telling me jamin wasn't feeling well.

so we did the next best thing - nita, jayce and i had one of our (in)famous threesomes right under nita's parents' noses! imagine three people cramped on nita's tiny bed, just after downing baileys on empty stomachs (though nita did most of it heh) and.. well, just imagine. damn Fun. heehee, then a bigbigBIG lunch and.. shopping! yay, bought a pair of shoes.. felt Damn Good walking home not empty-handed. (:

i have been eating so much, the roof of my mouth is raw.
lucky we're not going for the eight course dinner thing daddy had in mind.

must get down to sending off my xmas letters, and the email to jayce's dad.

oh bring back the sunshine.

i'm listening to: lighthouse family -postcard from heaven

take five.

2005-12-13T21:40:00.000+08:00

1. pride and prejudice is not bad, go catch it!! love mr darcy and bingley. and jane, prettypretty jane.
prime was hilarious, not quite what i expected. it's ending it's run soon so act fast! do not, under any circumstances, watch with your mother.

2. jeffrey archer's new book is not getting very good reviews. hmmmm
"If you want pulp fiction, read Dan Brown for more believeable action, John Grisham for some intelligence or even Sidney Sheldon for racier sex scenes."

3. wenhui thinks it's scandalous he saw me with yichung at holland v today, and expected me to say something like "he's my brother" in self-defence. which, to me, is ridiculous, cause i really have nothing to hide. so yes, friends and family, i was out for lunch with yichung today, and hell lot of fun i had too! so there.

4. i feel like buying something in maroon velvet!! and a pair of pink, ribboned shoes zq says makes me look "sweet" heehee (:

5. everytime i walk by a yami yogurt, i lose all ability to resist. today i had only forty miserable cents left in my wallet, but to buy my yami yogurt i went and drew money. girl, where's the discipline?!?!!!

addendum!

meant to say for quite a while now, rent was spanking good!!

would you light my candle?

2005-12-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

is he good to you?

happy for certain people; we've been moving on so quickly in life it seems just yesterday, just yesterday. but things are looking good, and there is an easy friendliness where all there used to be was frustration, guilt and pity. we've learnt, we've grown.

the guys are commissioning tmr!

peace.

yea, but more importantly, he's good for me.

i'm listening to: jamie cullum - all at sea

2005-12-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

i ran today, happy.
the chinchow in the fridge is expired, sad.
the b&j is not, consoled.
got called strange things, amused.
grandma cooked good food tonight, Hungry.
my sister is taking me to kingkong premiere, shiok. (this was dictated by said sister)
have frs tmr, Disgusted.

i'm feeling: inane (as if you couldn't tell)
i'm listening to: christina aguilera - come on over

five things, five people.

2005-12-05T16:29:00.000+08:00

alright nita, i'm doing it!

"Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment â€œYOU ARE TAGGEDâ€ in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!" -taken from nita's who ripped it off andee's.

1. my parents think i am headed for some higher calling, cause apparently my mom dreamt of jesus when she was having me. my dad keeps telling me to be a nun, so i can pray for his soul. they think it's very appropriate, cause even before i knew all this i chose my confirmation name which now makes my name read "beloved, God has called". so they think it must mean something.

2. for some strange reason, very few people call me daryl. my entire family calls me bung/bungi except my mom, who calls me doll (i don't know why she does it and i have absolutely no idea why i respond to it. i just do.) they only call me daryl when i have friends over or when they are pissed with me but we're not coldwarring. many people call me del, some call me dar, nita and chethan call me dawyl, jaycie calls me tinkerdel, jae calls me ryl and the rest some other variation of my name or they don't call me anything at all.

3. i used to want to get two german shepherds and name them teeny and weeny, so when i took my dogs out i could call for teenyweenytiny! and, chihuahuas are my second favourite breed.. i wanted two of them too, fatso and watso. hahaa! i think if that ever happens zq will live at my place, and tiffanie will never visit. hmmm. i also used to want to travel round the world in a hot air balloon. come to think of it, actually i still do.

4. i get Very High without warning, over strange things or nothing at all. i don't know, sometimes there's just this bubble of happiness that forms and it's dying to escape and so i just have to let it go! (: when i'm high i say all sorts of things you really shouldn't be hearing and do totally embarrassing things you really must forget. and, my laugh gets high and weird and foreign and un-darylish. eepx. sometimes, when nobody's watching, i do strange little jiggles and i grin at myself in the mirror like a crazycat. this happens mostly in the wee hours of the morning, and my online conversations get really absurd as i get really wonky. but then again, my calmest times are also at night, when i sometimes feel like i'm melting into the big black blanket that is the sky, or dangling my feet off the moon into the cool liquid pool of stars. i feel like i don't belong, but then i do, and i'm incredibly confused but terribly happy.

5. i've only ever watched pinocchio in it's entirety once. after that, i'd always watch the first part but stop once he has to go to school cause something scared me when i was a kid (though i can't actually remember what) and i never managed to get myself to watch further cause i think i'm going to be scared. i also don't like watching people fight. if i'm watching a tv show at home and i think somebody is going to get beaten up, or a fight is going to break out, i run to the kitchen and i stay there and peek surreptitiously out until i've determined the scene is over. i watch movies with my hands over my eyes when i'm scared. my mom keeps telling me the film crews and all are there, but i just don't like it i don't know why. >.<

okay! done. you're all not allowed to laugh at me, or mention any of the above when you see me!!!
and zq, evelyn, mag, jimmy and emily, it's your turn to do it!

shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture

2005-11-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

i tried taking a picture of the buttshaking guide nita and i came up with during some anat lecture (discovered five min ago when i took out my notes (:) but it wouldn't come out clear :( hence, you all cannot learn to shake your asses like we do. too bad.

my jc notes were full of zhiminimi's scribbles, and now my uni notes nita's.

i like.

mel is refusing to talk to me because she is mugging. evil antisocial mel. hahaa okay i shall go mug toooooo!

2005-11-27T15:19:00.000+08:00

how did i ever get this screwedup!!?!!!!?!!?!

i am ~~scared~~ petrified.
i am screwed up!!!!

incomparable.

2005-11-26T10:30:00.000+08:00

i'd almost forgotten how it feels like, to have my breath catch and my entire being filled with awe and consolation and warmth and love. you, surprised me.

beautiful day; got the sun in my eyes, the wind in my hair.. i'm falling out of this sky.

feeling unique and special and veryvery loved.
many reminders this morning, thank you.

you said, "people need you."
let the blessed interruptions, happen.

you take my breath away.

zae, happy birthday!

i'm listening to: tyler hilton - when it comes

2005-11-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

somedays even wearing green doesn't make the day very much better.

motivate me.

2005-11-17T18:34:00.000+08:00

is it just me, or do you also find that when you attempt to study is when you're the most restless, when your neurons are sparking with electricity, desperately alive for all things distracting?

i'm generating action potentials for manymany things, and all of them wrong.

i really want to eat secret recipe's chocolate banana cake.
i really want to do a proper workout.
i really want to get down to mugging.

really, i do.

kissmequick, i'm dancing on the moon!

2005-11-15T21:53:00.000+08:00

daniel was there to meet me when i came down from the tester's office with my driving results, i passed my driving, important people remembered, lunch was yummy, attempting to learn some form of salsa was hilarious, my dragonfruit was sweet, my day was perfect.

i'm feeling: anti-mug!! and verily so.
i'm listening to: new radicals - someday we'll know

picture perfect.

2005-11-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

manymany photos which i meant to put up but never got round to.

yafang's bday!
long ago, but happy birthday anyway!! (:

jimmy's bday!
also long ago.. crystal jade with the sn bunch - tiff, eunice, mag, char, xiaoxuan

me, mag and the birthday girl!

char and eunice, my two runaway friends.

group shot!

pelapah!
meant to post about this, but wayy too lazy. check out mel's blog for a hilarious account and more photos (: big shoutout to jaycie and nita for organising and thanks mel cheech jams for a lovely time (: hoorah pelapah!

monkeying around

girls!

hoorah pelapah!!

i like this one.

i'm listening to:mcfly - all about you

the things that you do.

2005-11-08T20:12:00.000+08:00

i was sitting in char's room just now, having an ice cream party without any ice cream but still having the time of my life.
and i was just thinking, why do i love you guys so much?
this is why.

1. you make me laugh all the time, and you laugh with me (:
2. you put up with me when i'm high and behaving totally childishly.. sometimes you even join in! (:
3. you use overhead bridges, pedestrian crossings or wait for traffic lights when we cross roads simply cause you know i don't like jaywalking
4. you rescue me when i'm lost (thanks tiff for bravely venturing into the unknown school of design and environment today)
5. you always have time to listen to me and offer advice when i call, no matter how busy you are
6. you call after things like interviews to hear me whine and freak out
7. you eat good food with me!!! (:
8. you put your feet up with me in theatres, and watch shows that you sometimes don't really want to
9. you shop with me! (and we all know what a chore that can be)
10. you source for clean toilets in town and let me know (hahaa eunice, paragon and borders?)
11. you remember my birthday every single year (:
12. you tell me when i sing out of tune, when my hair's a mess, when i really should get down to studying
13. you let me fall down, but then you help me get myself together again
14. a thousand other things, but mostly..
15. just because.

you're special.
eunice, i am going to miss you so bloody much when you run away next year.
char, not you too.
and because i don't even want to begin imagining what it'd be like without you, because i don't want to believe it might be true, because i know it is.. oh babe, babe, i love you. i do.

i really must stop being like this.

CATASTROPHE!

2005-11-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

guys, we have a major problem here!!!
i can't find a travel size darlie!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!

mel - has no travel size either
jayce - is not even bringing a toothbrush
nita - is a colgate using traitor
cheech, jamin, sau - are uncontactable

HELP. i need that toothpaste.

daryl, we are going to get fat.

2005-11-03T14:35:00.000+08:00

so says tiffanie.

what we have eaten since 11am this morning:
-carrot cake from the ghim moh stall!!
-my taiwan "expensive, useless" shilin chicken (me)
-big cut up fishcake and taukwa
-tori-q chicken and pork kebab
-evian mineral water (me)
-pokka green tea (tiff)
-paopaocha! (both)

time now: 2.35pm
hmmmm

tiffanie, we are going to get fat.

don't know how to love him.

2005-10-30T15:34:00.000+08:00

i love this song!! and elaine paige sang it beautifullybeautifully last night. oooh tingles down my spine just thinking about it.

i don't know how to love him
what to do, how to move him
i've been changed.. yes, really changed
in these past few days
when i see myself, i seem like someone else

i don't know how to take this
i don't see why he moves me
he's a man
he's just a man
and i've had so many men before
in very many ways, he's just one more

should i bring him down?
should i scream and shout?
should i speak of love,
let my feelings out?
i never thought it would come to this
what's it all about?

don't you think it's rather funny
i should be in this position?
i'm the one who's always been
so calm, so cool, no lover's fool
running every show
he scares me so

yet if he said he loved me
i'd be lost, i'd be frightened
i couldn't cope, just couldn't cope
i'd turn my head, i'd back away
i wouldn't want to know
he scares me so
i want him so
i love him so

isn't it madness?

2005-10-29T10:21:00.000+08:00

it's another one of those days!! i promise you, it's the weather. this time of the year is when i'm bursting with life and overflowing with love and ready for.. christmas!!!!!! ehehee (: this is the only time of the year when sentimentality for once does not cripple, but empowers instead; and i can look back on everything with a certain fondness instead of bittersweet longing; when i am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

i see God in so many things - in the smile on your face, in the leaves in the trees, even in the gentle breeze. and that makes all the difference in the whole wide world.

dinner with tiff eunice mag jimmy xiaoxuan char was a riot!! i don't think our bunch is ever going to grow up.. reallyreally love you babes damndamndamn a lot!!!!

mel babe: hahaa yes, you can fall asleep in my room anytime you want.. maybe you should just leave a set of clothes there la huh, then i won't feel so bad waking you up when you're happily conked out on the floor.. and dearie, love you too.

zq: youu!! hahaa yes i'm having a lot of fun, but just not enough without you!! can you throw away those irritating projects and come find ME!!

boingboing! something all the way to the tips of my toes tells me today is going to be a brilliant day!!

i'm feeling: highhhhhhh!!!!
i'm listening to: elaine paige and sarah brightman - i know him so well

even the best fall down sometime.

2005-10-27T11:42:00.000+08:00

the sunflower in my nalgene is bending it's pretty head to the sun and i feel like i must too!

this whole week's been loaded with that special feeling, where you wake up with a smile on your face and feel like you could be superman for a day. it's nice and warm and sunny out, perfect for chasing tiny around the garden and rolling in the grass (: somehow reminded of rj post-prelims period.. it must be the weather. outdoorsy callings this week that even an uncooperative nose/throat cannot force me to ignore. feel like sailing/kayaking/abseiling/lt 2.5 badmintoning/cycling/running!! yay nita, can't wait for sunday! does anybody else want to come too?

feel like digging my feet deep in the sand and people-watching on the beach.
feel like eating a pint of ben and jerry's straight out of the tub.
feel like climbing a mountain, and singing top of the world.
feel like lounging in a hammock to watch the sunset and catch the first stars twinkling in the sky before the pink and purple fades to black.. and then feel like counting the sparkles in the black, with you.
hahaa that just reminded me of the outdoor week feel the night with me thing, and jayce's sly 'feel me?' (:

zee called last night, and that really made my day (: sister, i hadn't realised how long it's been since i last heard your voice. good to know you survived taiwan and are still the same crappy hilarious shit! okay i will continue this conversation with you tmr as promised. but thank you, cause you've shown me how army doesn't have to drive friends apart. tuesdays are still yours, anytime.

anyway i actually came back early cause i wanted to rest, but the day is just too gorgeous to be wasted on sleep..
so what, so what shall i do!
a hundred thousand different things happify me, and somewhere near the top of the list could just be you!

i'm listening to: jem - flying high

beautiful to me.

2005-10-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

been having loads of fun this week spending time with people. important people. (:

as you come to know and love someone, somehow all the positivity you feel about the person translates itself as something radiant, something special, something beautiful.

tiffanie chan, you know i think you're gorgeous.
and all the rest of my babes -you know who you are!- too! (:
(mag this is your cue to feel touched and ask me out soon; haven't seen you in ages!)

anyway, was thinking about something tiff said the other day when we were mugging with mel and chocolate and chips and green tea (wongshihui we missed you!) outside the med library and what can i say. even the toughest cookies get soft sometime.

playhouse on saturday and things are looking good. i'm glad i got myself into this.. didn't realise how much i've missed drama. and we're having fun! even with everything being so disorganised.. (: let's go guys!

feel like hot chocolate and marshmallows and now, you.

just so you know, biochem is the bane of my life.
&*^@&!%&#*@&#*^!#^#*^!#)(#!(!!

why does it always rain on me?

2005-10-16T14:04:00.000+08:00

two articles that jumped at me today:

1. the piece on the new condo at marina bay.. actually not really the piece, just the photo on the front page (faster go look!) which reminds me of the burj al arab!!! does anybody want to sponsor a room there for me i don't even mind sharing! TIFFANIE can you please go look.. and plan our vacation now!! i need to go somewhere. and soon.

2. the revival of the 1918 spanish flu virus. this is so scarily like robin cook's contagion (even the virus is the same one hi) it kind of freaked me out. what if they accidentally let it out of the lab (it happens okay.. just look at the anthrax thing last time) and kills another fifty million people?! science is moving at a speed so fast i cannot begin to imagine the future. and that's just, well, scary. and kind of exciting, but still scary.

anyway can i whine a bit right now. it's raining on a sunday! :\ since i am now too lazy to leave the house, there go my nicely crafted plans. and now my silly little one has decided to go dancing in the rain after i just bathed her yesterday!!! argh. actually it looks quite fun hehee okay i think i will join her byebye!

something worth holding on to

2005-10-15T23:35:00.001+08:00

maybe, possibly, perhaps.

i love mommy!

2005-10-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

felt like i was ten again today (:
squiggly marker human vandalism, smiley faces galore, bitey snatching games and loads of insults..
it feels good to be childish and petulant and irritating and..

thank you all for such a good time (:

when you put away the books and the company is good, magic happens.

i'm listening to: bellefire - perfect bliss

today was for you.

2005-10-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

there are days when i don't feel like eating ice cream or even chocolate but never ever can i say no to this:

yami yogurt is yummy! and it makes me terriblyterribly happy. plain is good, flavoured is better, but best is when it's topped with fruit. oooohh!! i like!!!! (:

caught corpse bride with zq today.. i really enjoyed myself!! all the way from the chicken little advert to the credits of the show i couldn't stop (a)laughing (b)bopping (c)other wigglysquigglyhappy things. yay! (: and kenrick was right!!! the skeletons have no clavicles!!! they're also missing some ribs. hahaa!! (:
zq: happy birthday you!! sorry you didnt like the show as much as i did, but at least you like the belt!! hahaa (: how about the indian nine course!!!

today i feel like singing this:
in the morning of my life i shall look to the sunrise
at the moment in my life when the world is new!
and the blessing i shall ask is that God will grant me
to be brave and strong and true
and to fill the world with love my whole life through

in the noontime of my life i shall look to the sunshine
at the moment in my life when the sky is blue
and the blessing i shall ask will remain unchanging:
to be brave and strong and true
and to fill the world with love my whole life through

in the evening of my life i shall look to the sunset
at the moment in my life when the night is due
and the question i shall ask only i can answer
was i brave and strong and true?
did i fill the world with love my whole life through?

did you?

one plus one equals?

2005-10-05T21:20:00.000+08:00

sine cosine cosine sine, three point one four one five nine
let's do math and not waste time!

numbers are supposed to be simple, calculations a logical progression almost always leading to a solution.
but every now and then, even math throws you the most irritating of answers - no solution.
what a waste of time.

fractions are fun.
most fundamentally, two halves make a whole.
but then so do three thirds, four fourths, five fifths.
which are you?

loci tell you how far you can go while still fulfilling the conditions set.
dotted lines no, block lines go.
watch your step.

differentiation is easy - you are you and i am me.
the problem lies with integration.

the case of the missing clavicles

2005-10-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

was talking to kenrick about corpse bride (which i BADLY want to catch, along with lords of dogtown and the andy lau show.. does anybody want to watch!!) so anyway i was asking kenrick how it was and the dear boy goes..

**ThumbThumb** guyton is sick.. says:
i like the way they move n the songs! ha..n the skeletons...
**ThumbThumb** guyton is sick.. says:
fyi. the skeletons dont have clavicles..

i am seriously in med school.

i'm listening to: meredith brooks - i'm a bitch

instrumental, too.

2005-09-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

feel the beat of the rhythm of the night, dance until the morning light

stomp was fantastic!!! worth every cent of my fifty two dollars. it was fluid and even graceful, and yet every single motion was deliberate. your body is a wonderwonderland! really. hahaa after the show we all went mad.. strange walking, flapping tissue packets, beating chopsticks.. oooh ahh.

feel the rhythm, i wanna feel the rhythm

i'm listening to: taptaptappy keyboard sounds!

instrumental.

2005-09-28T17:13:00.000+08:00

there is something incredibly sexy about the sax. it's like eye contact, or the feel of a single finger tracing patterns on your skin. it screams for someone to lay a trail of soft kisses along your eyelids; it screams for someone to twirl you senseless in a grassy field.. it screams for someone. it calls for the world around to fade away into nothingness, for time to bear no meaning. yet it awakens all your senses and amplifies every stimulus a thousandfold. the scent and touch and taste of something distinctly familiar, and at the same time mysteriously foreign. a tingly sensation, a heady feeling, a craving for cream and chocolate, an ache for someone. it's all very disturbing.

i'm listening to: the kenny g cd daniel burnt

leave your footprints all over, but don't forget the way home.

2005-09-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

my holidays are over but it feels like they haven't even started. the whole week's basically been a mad rush of meeting up with people and trying to make up for lost time. strangely enough, when i stay at home i eat dinner in even less than when i bunk at pgp. been eating a lot of rich food (like hanging ppetites with the odacians -mel i still cannot believe you beat me at being barbaric. gah.- and chiamm's eight course(!) social night dinner ehehee) and getting fat. another dinner out tonight, with tim and the church people before he runs off to faraway oxford and i won't be able to see him for a longlongloooooong time.

i can't believe everyone's really leaving, has left.
canada, uk, us.
wow.

hmm i want to linger here.. hmm a little longer here.. hmm a little longer here with you

be with me.

2005-09-21T13:08:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if when i one day look back on my life, i will simply see a blur. a collage of sketches painted in watercolour, with maybe one or two events outlined in ink. but then we all know i can't paint for nuts, so maybe all there will be is a blank sheet.

i used to love this song.
i still do.
if i were to italicise the parts i liked, i'd have to italicise the whole song.
so i will.

i hope you never lose your sense of wonder
you get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
may you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

i hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
whenever one door closes i hope one more opens
promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

i hope you dance

i hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
never settle for the path of least resistance
livin' might mean taking chances.. but they're worth takin'
lovin' might be a mistake.. but it's worth makin'

don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
when you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

remember all the things she used to do, and the love that she so readily gave.
keep that love.
better yet, pass it on.
and then you'll know that she never really left you at all.

warning!

2005-09-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

typing 'add me!' using handphone dictionary is a tricky business. if you don't read your message as you type, like me, you'd probably end up sending 'bed me!' which makes for a very interesting reaction.

in other news, met up with con, siqi, meiyue, siaohui, qianru and chiew yi today!

i'm feeling: happy (:
i'm listening to: finley quay - dice

scream and wiggle

2005-09-10T13:05:00.000+08:00

don't you just love korean horror shows. all you have to do is tune in to the last ten minutes to find out the story when all the characters were still alive, and still not understand who's been haunting who throughout. in the end, after giving each other manymany wth looks, mom and i concluded that every single one of them was just plain psychotic.

i don't know why i agree to sit up and watch these things with her. maybe it's because it reminds me of when we were little and all five of us would squeeze on the bed and scare ourselves silly with freddy krueger and his reign on elm street, and the tickle fests we'd have during commercial breaks. but of late, it's just been some permutation of mom, zae and me.

in other news, caught up with mag yesterday! mag is one of those people you can not see for ages but pick up with like you've never been apart. perhaps we've never really been apart. (: mag babe, hope things work out for you. thanks for all the effort you've put into us; hope i don't disappoint. love you muchly.

don't expect anything of me, and i won't of you.

2005-09-08T21:26:00.000+08:00

i remember being really upset coming out of physics prelim prac, not so much because i'd screwed it up but because i was forced to acknowledge that my lucky underwear had failed me.

when you put something on a pedestal, you choose to see it beautiful and flawless.
you choose to see its power.
and you expect a certain something out of it.
at first it's something simple, just it's perfect appearance perhaps, but one day you look back and you find that slowly, unconsciously, you'd been expecting so much more.

and when you put someone on a pedestal, well then you're just asking for trouble.
because as far as people are concerned, with expectations comes disappointment, and with disappointment comes uncertainty, which inevitably breeds insecurity.

and don't we all know insecurity never manifests itself as anything pretty?

so a logical conclusion is that we should all do as jodi picoult says - expect nothing, and in that way, beat them all.
you think it's easy?

that first time you smiled at me, you made my day.
now, if you don't smile at me, i get sad.
if you think about it, they aren't really quite the same thing at all.

tears are in your eyes.

2005-09-04T16:22:00.000+08:00

my family is hilarious.

note to self: do not, DO NOT do ab exercises before spending time with them.

i'm listening to: pretenders - i'll stand by you

it's you and me and all other people

2005-09-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

and the morning is for you, and the air is free..
and the birds sing for you, and your positivity!

there's nothing like waking up to brilliant company, an amazing breakfast, a pretty bouquet of orchids and the most beautiful weather ever possible. everything was just so perfect, and i couldn't help but feel so gloriously gloriously alive. baby, on days like these, nothing can go wrong; the day is yours, and yours alone.

lunch with siva, blanche, kenrick and joel (september = allowance!!! ahahaa (:) then managed to catch su in canada before heading to school for a mass chatting session. then an impromptu mass, which was great. there's nothing like celebrating His presence on a perfect day. it's so very special, and you know He loves you more than ever. mugging in the library (i can name allll those icky muscles in the forearm and hand now!!!!) then dinner at nuh. actually i realise it doesn't sound spectacular, but there was just this feel to everything you know? it makes me want to laugh, it makes me want to smile, it makes me want to fly. perfection in it's simplest.

wake me up when september ends? get the hell out of here baby.

and i don't know why.. i can't keep my eyes off you.

c'mon body, work!

2005-09-01T00:23:00.000+08:00

can i tell you i drank ANTELOPE'S HORN sth today! yes, like chinese medicine. and -here's the best part- i actually finished all 500ml of it. wow. i'm so impressed with myself.

fever's subsided, thanks to tons of sleep (11-2, 3-8 anyone?), four panadols, lots of ice mountain and maybe even the antelope's horn thing. still, feeling sleepy.

some people never fail to surprise me. love all the nice humans who offered food, meds and everything else.

k night guys.

i'm feeling: spoilt
i'm listening to: escape club - i'll be there

everyday i wake up and it's sunday.

2005-08-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

i think i need to learn from the kid who said the dismissal was the most impt part of mass.

go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

maybe then i will stop being a sunday catholic and actually make a difference to people's lives, and my own.

i thrive on sleep.

2005-08-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

i have attained a new level of sleep.

now, i can sleep with a pencil in my hand, so that when i wake up at (hopefully) appropriate times in lectures, i can scribble whatever the lecturer happens to be articulating. tell me, am i pro or what!

in other news, met yi chung today to check out the band at wala wala's. unfortunately, my underagedness was wayyyy too obvious. well. so much for that. sorry kidd! hahaa, still, had loads of fun just chatting, teasing and watching half-naked men throw each other around.

i'm listening to: worlds apart - just say i said hello